


First Day, First Blood

by Monisse



Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22392406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monisse/pseuds/Monisse
Summary: On the first day for the new interns, several odd events happened: Nic arrived unusually late to work, helped an arrogant intern break the rules, got asked on a date, and a little girl died. All because of him.
Relationships: Conrad Hawkins/Nicolette Nevin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	First Day, First Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline disclaimer: I played with canon time a little bit to fit this story.
> 
> Leave some love if you can, Kudos power imagination!

The day had stretched long and hectic when Nic finally sat at the nurse’s station of the pediatric wing to complete a case file, all the while enjoying the fleeting calm that came when patients rested safely. She covered a yawn with her hand, eyes watering with the effort, then blinked several times to clear her vision and resumed the task with stubborn fingers that refused to work at their usual skillful pace.

She hadn’t been out too late the previous night, but her mind did not surrender once her head hit the pillow, even though her body begged for rest. Besides the obvious anxiety about the new interns and the amount of patience required to manage them the next day, Nic had left the bar with a restless feeling that followed her into bed. She had not been able to forget the conversation with a soon-to-be intern, much less his smile as he left the bar. It had stuck with her oddly, not entirely in an unpleasant way, and her brain took a while to drift off to sleep. So, when the alarm clock entered her dream like a distant annoyance, she ignored it for far too long and arrived unusually late to work. 

Fighting exhaustion with massive amounts of coffee, Nic spent the majority of the day watching the new interns roam the corridors aimlessly and patiently filling the gaps in their knowledge. And she not only had to take care of her own patients, but ensure their safety against the interns as well.

One of such moments happened early on with the intern from the bar. Surprisingly, he was even more stubborn in day light, and though he would proceed regardless of consequences, she still scolded his attitude. His sense of emergency demanded her cooperation and after a tense instant, where she calculated the risks and benefits of his action, she yielded at last with a careful warning. Nic had observed how he flawlessly removed the fluid from the pericardium of the patient, her face never betrayed how impressed she truly was. That brief moment of adrenaline was followed by an intention to take her out, bold and unafraid of rejection, and she replied in the same fashion, surprising herself with how fast she set the date.

She blinked again, the memories of the day fading away rapidly, and focused her eyes on the computer screen in front of her. 

The distant alarm of a cardiac monitor drifted into her half-conscious mind, bringing her back into full awareness at once. At the same time, a parent came out of the room. 

“It’s Annabeth, please help her!” the woman shouted.

As if materialized by the alarm, and even before Nic could move properly, Conrad rushed through the corridor and into the room with two nurses in his stride pushing the e-cart. By the time she reached the room he was already running the code, his larger frame was bent over the little girl, much smaller and fragile in comparison, his face flushed with the exertion of compressions and his breathing was in perfect coordination with the applied pressure. He shouted orders between breaths, so Nic complied immediately and set herself on the opposite side of the bed to administer the drugs. With no sign of a rhythm yet, he resumed compressions, faster, harder, desperately trying to trigger a spark of life in the small body. 

Years of training had sharpened her mind to recognize the point after which was futile to proceed, even when all senses refused to let go. That moment had arrived. The cardiac monitor remained unchanged, the mother howled in despair somewhere in their vicinity, but Conrad had yet to stop.

“That’s enough, Dr. Hawkins.” Nic said in a low voice.

She knew a reluctant doctor when she saw one, and Conrad seemed unwilling to surrender as beads of sweat formed in his forehead and the little body underneath his hands convulsed violently with each compression. 

She moved around the bed to stand beside him, closed her hands around his arms and tried to pull him away from the girl. 

“You need to stop.” Nic demanded; louder. 

To her surprise, he didn’t bulge, and resisted both her pleas and her pull. Other pairs of hands reached for his arms as well, pulling less gently until he stopped at last, though reluctantly. 

Death came calling with the deafening flat sound of the monitor, stretching infinitely in time until it was turned off.

Conrad staggered back, which allowed her to stand between him and the bed. There, facing him closely and with her hands still firmly on his arms, she felt his chest expand with uneven breaths, saw his eyes looking around wildly, eyes that were much darker than before and red at the rims with unshed tears.

The sudden silence was replaced by the loud cries of the mother, which had reached forward and cradled the lifeless body of her child one last time, seemingly lulling the little girl into a slumber from which she would never wake. 

Through blurred vision, eyes burning and ready to cry, the blinking light of a monitor caught Nic’s attention. Blood ran cold in her veins at the sight of the potassium drip. He followed the trail of her gaze and when their eyes met again, he seemed shocked with the realization that the amount was set incorrectly. Tension shot like lightning along his body and she felt his muscles tighten underneath her fingers.

Conrad slipped away from her grasp, slowly at first, then all at once, and was gone before she could utter his name. 

She was on the move just as Dr. Lane came in and addressed the mother. Nic didn't know what moved her, but before she could question her own sanity, her feet followed his steps into the supply closet where he went.

The small room was engulfed in near darkness, though she had enough presence of mind to not turn on the lights, for the fear of exposing him to the harshness of a reality he was not yet ready to face. It took a while, but her eyes adjusted to the dim light that came from a small presence light above, and then started navigating the small space carefully, avoiding the precariously stocked shelves.

Nic followed the sound of his raged breath and found him seating on the floor in the corner, his body bent on itself, bathed in tricks of light and shadows.

In all her years as a nurse, she had seen that sight far too many times. A doctor sinking into the realization that they were also capable of making mistakes, and when they did, the consequences were terrifying. 

Something other than pity pulled her towards him, so she approached carefully, crouched in front of him and rested her hands on his shoulders. Her grip was firm once more, requesting his attention, and though his body trembled underneath her hands, he was not crying. 

“She is dead because of me.” he didn’t look up, his voice came out softly, yet the words carried a heavy guilt. 

“It was a mistake, a tragic one, but a mistake nonetheless.” Nic said kindly.

He raised his head abruptly and the intensity in his eyes, even in near darkness, startled her. “I don't make mistakes like that.”

Whatever she expected to hear it was certainly not that. Yet, his reaction opened a crack in his defense that allowed to place together the few pieces she knew about him. Nic had peeked at his employee file, out of curiosity, to find where he had learned the skills that went beyond what medical school could ever teach. To her surprise, he had been a Marine Corpsman in Afghanistan, and most likely felt that such experience would set him apart in a safer context. He seemed to operate without thinking of consequences, doing whatever was necessary, even outside the boundaries of rules, in order to save a life. 

“But you did, and you have to accept it.” she offered patiently. “We are all flawed humans here, hoping to do less harm than good.” 

The wrinkle between his eyes deepened at her words, and it became perfectly clear how much he trusted himself, obviously embolden by his past. However, in his first day as an intern he had been responsible for a life, a very young one, and the weight of the mistake he made was already hatched deep into the lines of his face. The hardest lesson they could ever learn was spending their days balancing the scales between life and death on the tip of their fingers, only to realize it was never up to them to decide faith, no matter how skilled they were. Nic was sure he had learned that before, after all, he had been prepared for death in the worst circumstances, but he had not been prepared for death by his own hand. No one ever was.

When he made no effort to speak, she went on. “This one will be with you forever, learn from it and do better tomorrow.”

“It was my responsibility not to harm her, now it’s my fault that she died and I couldn’t bring her back. How will I do better after this?” 

“I know you will because you are a good doctor Conrad, but succumbing to blame will neither bring her back or help your next patients.” She squeezed his shoulders lightly, their eyes never wavered from each other. “Now, you have to go back in there and face that mother, she needs answers.”

Apparently encouraged by her words, he rose up in one swift move, pulling her along with him. Once standing, Conrad moved forward without hesitation and his arms closed around her in a tight embrace, his forehead rested heavily on her shoulder. 

After the initial shock of the sudden contact, she hugged him as well. The embrace felt unexpectedly familiar, though she had only met him that day. Nic felt the heat of his body seep into hers, triggering a rush in her veins, while in contrast the tension in his body eased. Her hand closed around the back of his neck involuntarily, her fingertips brushing the fine hairs there. Then, an instant spark of self-awareness forced her to remove the hand abruptly as if scorched by an intimacy that they were not ready for. 

“Thank you.” he murmured. 

Conrad let go altogether and walked away before she could say another word. When he opened the door, Nic saw his silhouette against the fluorescent lights outside. His body was straight, akin to a soldier ready to face battle, the leftovers of a previous life. He then marched with sure steps back into the room and to the scene of his first medical error, one that would brand him forever in more ways than one.


End file.
